Dorito Diabetic 1

The Dorito Diabetic


Ellen, Kate and John all went to the same high school. Kate was pretty and started dating John in high school. They became a couple and got married.

Ellen dated some men but, for reasons that make sense only in the passing of time, never did marry.

Kate became a nurse, John got into construction work, and from a distance Ellen heard about how things fell apart.

It was not that John was a bully or a mean man—he was just a bad husband. He never consulted with Kate over purchases large or small. If Kate ever questioned his spending, he would only shrug.

He had his own hobbies that involved his own friends, never her or her friends. Probably worst of all was his health.

In his early 40s, John was diagnosed with diabetes, a condition that made him even angrier and more stubborn. Not only would John not follow any sort of diet, but he refused to take any medication. And his eating would make a seventh-grade boy sick.

While he watched TV in the next room, Kate would hear John unwrapping and eating Slim Jims, Oreos, Little Debbies and Doritos with melted Velveeta singles over the top. 

I heard a phrase once: “He’s digging his grave with his teeth.” It’s an excellent description of John’s behavior. Despite Kate’s pleading, or maybe because of it, John continued to do whatever the hell he wanted until he finally died as a result of his uncontrolled diabetes
and stubbornness.

His funeral was sad. He was not very old. And despite of their differences, Kate was sad as well.

Kate’s family thinks since she’s still so pretty, some single doctor will snatch her up. But I’ve heard through the grapevine that Kate is done with gambling her life on husbands and will stick with being single, thank you very much.

I visited with Ellen recently. She said, “I always thought it was unfair that I never met someone or got married. All my friends did. But as the years have gone by and we get together, I hear all the stories…”

She paused. The words she said next seemed to surprise even her.

“Maybe I got the better deal.”

Dorito Diabetic 2

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